(semi)locked&screened.
formerly dear_whimsy

DEAD JOURNAL. DO NOT ADD.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY aoisita!
i hope you had a really really really really really really really really good one, because you deserve it so much :( what can i say that i haven't said before? you are a really inspiring, refreshing person, and i find myself wanting to be more like you♥

---



GUYS I LAUGHED

UNTIL I CRIED

IRL


i should like to be the one you imagine loving. says (10:32 PM):
HOW DID I GET OBSESSED WITH FAMOUS WHITE PEOPLE

Friends, flist, all.

I have found my soul mate.



He is ridiculous and anal ('THAT LAMP HAS MOVED THREE DEGREES! intruder'), useless in the face of actual problems ('you're going to vomit? c-can you do it in this tiny yogourt cup? this bottle of water?? oh god i guess i'll have to hold this flower pot oh god'), kind of a woman (hello sparkly tight shirts and Lady Gaga hoods), did I mention anal ('Here are three rules. One, do not touch me. Two, do not enter my room. Three, do not touch my stuff'), bitter and accompanied by Dramatic Rock Music, and I thrill at every smirk and pout in his Bitchface Repertoire.

and this is only the first episode


Why aren't you all watching You're Beautiful and acquainting yourselves with the other half of my soul!!!!

(HE FLINCHES AT SPRINKLES OF WATER LSDKHGSLIEGHLMAO)

(Hongki is also ridiculously cute, how did this happen, and the other guy is really... subtly gay in a ^___^ let me help you way..)

WATCH IT!!!!! :D!!!

Okay, not actually Korea, but general fan reactions to things happening around Korea aka The Jay Incident. I debated about making a post, because I have already washed my hands of this fuck you!!! but then I realized maybe Tilly is dying under the millions of angry IMs I am sending her, so I guess I better redirect my rage. :( To clarify, rage from reading responses to JYP's statement and the recent family friend interview. These are my responses to the comments I skimmed. I might have more opinions and more points had I gone on, but I can only take so much stupid.

Disclaimer: I will admit that a lot of this is probably skewed through the views my own personality and experiences give me. I still feel like it makes sense.


1) "Thanks for the nice story JYP/friend, BUT WHERE IS MY CONCRETE ANSWER??!?!?!?!"

My kneejerk response to this is 'SHUT UP SIT DOWN GET OUT STOP BEING ENTITLED AND SELFISH'.

My diplomatic response to this is 'shut up and sit down because you are probably not going to get a concrete answer'. What you want to know is if Jay is coming back for sure, when he is coming back, you want details, details! Look, I know you're being caring. I know you want him back, that makes sense.

Right now though, I'm sure JYP is staring at his hands, up to his ears in paperwork, trying to figure out what the hell to do with the rest of 2PM. He doesn't have details. He doesn't have time to make a 'concrete statement', because in this kind of situation I don't think there can be a concrete answer. We have to wait on Jay. It's his decision now, and we have to wait, and let him find peace for himself. While he does that all we need to do is believe and let him know we support him, not accost and blame and accuse JYP while he tries to find some kind of solution to the mess the group is in, to how the other members should go on.

We have to understand that we fans are not the only ones affected, not the only ones confused and hurt. What's more, we fans are not even the ones closest to the heart of this issue. So why should we get our closure first?

2) "JYP IF YOU CARED SO MUCH ABOUT JAY WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM!!!"

Almost directly following the first! UM. SHUT UP. If JYP's story didn't tell you how much he cared, you're illiterate. If he could have made Jay stay, do you think he wouldn't have? Even just looking at it from a material standpoint: JAEBUM MAKES HIM A HELL OF A LOT OF MONEY. He doesn't need to care about the kid to want that.

But apparently, he does care. And caring at this point would not be wrenching Jaebum back and forcing him to go on. I think that by this time, Jay wanted to go, and more than that, needed to go. Of course he wants to come back to Korea. I don't doubt that, and he's said that himself. But I don't think he wants to come back to the Korea of right now, as the person he is right now.

It would be easy if it were just Korea that hated him, because as soon as they got over it everything would be fine. But I think at this point Jay dislikes himself, is ashamed of himself, and even if he were in the country, would probably have difficulties getting up on stage. He's in America now, and he's still not going anywhere, he's confined himself to his house.

No matter how much you want something, if you don't think you deserve it, if you're so ashamed you can't even bear to show yourself, then it doesn't matter. His emotions might be manifesting physically so that he can't even stand to be on stage. What he needs, I think, is space and time to personally move on.

Right now I think JYP is being more selfless than callous. When you care about someone, you let them do what they need to do, even if it hurts you, rather than trying to force them to stay and continue something they cannot.

3) "What the hell kind of family friend is this, revealing personal details for money!!!! HOW DARE HE, POOR JAY"

I dislike this kind of comment. I mean. What the hell. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE. Right now. JYP and the family friend are doing what they can. They can't fix Jay's issues or change his mind for him. What they can do however, is temper the environment. They can try and clear the air, turn the public opinion, garner sympathy by showing the kind of person he was.

I don't believe that family friend was revealing personal details for money or what the fuck ever. I mean, say you have a friend. Your friend is going through a hard time, and it's reflecting on their behaviour. Let's say some people, your classmates or whatever, don't realize this and think your friend is a bitch. They call your friend a bitch, and decide to shun her or treat her badly because of it?

What are you going to do? Well, I don't know what you would do, but I would tell those people that my friend is having a hard time. That this is why she is doing this. That please can't you understand. And I would be doing it in defence, not because I want to be gossip queen of the school or because I get some kick out of exposing personal lives. Maybe my friend would've preferred if I had kept my mouth shut, maybe she doesn't want or need other people to know.

But I would do it (the amount of detail being revealed varying with the situation, of course), because I wouldn't be able to just watch her go through the abuse. Because it defends her, and because it creates sympathy from the bystanders and shame in the original accusers. That's why.

4) "Why did he point out the black kid? RACIST"

Guys. Stop being sensitive. Stop nitpicking. This doesn't have anything to do with the situation. And seriously, you know you're being sensitive about race when I call you out, because heaven knows I'm all over even a hint of that shit. Sure, the identifier wasn't necessary, but I think it was just randomly and thoughtlessly through in. Of course, this could open up a discussion about unconscious or sublimial racism, but to be honest, do we really need that right now? Over this? Maybe he just meant it as a 'hmm because Jay is a KOREAN POP STAR, interesting how a black kid knows him!'. Maybe he's just part of that old generation of Asian immigrants, with their conscious or unconscious little traditional prejudices.

I'm not saying he's right. But I'm not saying it matters, either.

5) "How dare he do something so cruel like compare the prices of their pianos!!"

Do you really think he was being malicious.

Really.

That he thought, 'HMM. I THINK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS TOUCHING STORY I WILL MAKE FUN OF MY FRIEND'S FINANCIAL SITUATION AND AT THE SAME TIME IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH MY UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS COFFERS.'

Really.

Maybe he was using the technique of contrast. Maybe he was genuinely describing his feelings--shame at his own complacent status, admiration and adulation for Jaebum and his family, who are doing so much with so little. Maybe he was just setting the context for people with little musical experience, to whom the number would mean nothing.

Maybe we're just looking too hard and too closely at the little, insignificant things. Remember how this started?



Ugh I can't believe I wrote this. Also again, disclaimer that this is all opinion based.

I had a really good birthday last year, and this year I didn't expect anything since you know, I'd be at a new school with new people and stuff. I'd even celebrated beforehand--had my party in August, ate out with my parents last weekend, etc.

But it turns out my floormates actually prepared something, which alskgslei I was totally overwhelmed oh my god you guys :(

They came into my room at like midnight, five of them: Katherine and Sarah, who live next door, Sarah my roommate, Nabila down the hall, and Kelsey from the other side of the rez. Kelsey was carrying this huge bouquet of balloons and a card, and there was this white box, and :(

( too lazy to resize pics!! )
And the stuff that you guys have done too, it's just so awesome: dpque's ridiculous hilarious fanfic about us and the cakes oh god, Clare's fic, Tilly's fics, Sophie's post of love, Mei's book. :( (i am planning a huge comment spree this weekend so these fics get the love they deserve :[). How are you guys this great :(

:( :(

I can't even describe, I'm so surprised and pleased right now. I never expect much for my birthday, and it's not out of some sad experience or anything, just idk. It's not that big of a deal, and I really am satisfied just with a shoutout, so when stuff like this happens I'm really. I'm really really happy. Especially this year; especially now with my homesickness and whatever.

Aw, guys.

ps. I've discovered that my Intro to Financial Accounting class is really exciting. Like actually really interesting. It's like my favourite class. What the hell.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE ~FILTERPAPER WHEN...

Dear Korean entertainment industry,

I am sick of you, and this feeling is no longer just a brief strong swell of sourness on my tongue. I am sick of you with an apathy that leaves me unsurprised, a distaste that leaves me numb and impatient and weary.

These are the reasons why:

1) Eugene Park: a mindblowingly talented violin prodigy with bipolar disorder who is currently being imprisoned, drugged, and beaten by his managers.

2) Jang Jayun: committed suicide after suffering from depression as a result of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse at the hands of her company.

3) Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun, and Kim Junsu of DBSK: I don't have a link for this now, but I'm sure you all know the details of their contract and their lawsuit.

4) Park Jaebum: the scandal many of you have been following has culminated in an official resignation.

These are only the reasons forefront in my mind. This is not to mention Super Junior's ONLY13 movement, the boycotting of SNSD at Dream Concert, the numerous other suicides of celebrities too obscure to attract lasting international notice, and so on. Jaebum's predicament is only the straw that broke my camel's back; I was not as shocked or as distraught as many others when the news came, perhaps because I had not been emotionally involved in the fandom for some time. But there is one thing that I cannot bring myself to move past, and that is the fact that this scandal was caused by words, written in an instant, by a homesick cultural-shocked teenage boy, on an online blog. Four years ago.

Four years ago.

Four years ago.

It baffled me. And then there was the suicide petition. And now his confirmed resignation (which I am still hoping will be retracted). Regardless of what you think this may say about his personal convictions and strengths, it is undeniable that a ridiculous amount of unnecessary hostility and pressure was hurled upon him, and he reacted, out of personal fears or exhaustions, or maybe out of concern for his group members.

(Personally I don't even think his words were particularly stupid. They were dumb, in hindsight, but in that context, what else can you expect? What else is rational?)

f(x) and perhaps SJM are the only things in the industry that even vaguely entertain me, and they're not enough.

I will end this with a quote about boycotts, to better explain that I don't expect to achieve anything with this post:

I can't in good conscience support them. [...] There's something about [this] that upsets me in a fundamental way. [...] for lots of people, like myself, I would hazard a guess that boycotting is not even about punitive action.

It's about choosing what I want to allow into my space, and what I have the desire or non-desire to deal with. And I have as much right to talk publicly about what I don't like and why, as you have to talk publicly about the same thing and why and how much you like it.

Bye.

Tonight I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! Though honestly for me it was more like Blaise Zabini and His Wonderful Face featuring Draco Malfoy's Cutting Shoulders and Fetching Thighs. IDK I just did not really get into the film? The cinematography was great, but I wasn't carried along and kept thinking about Mayafic tbh......... BUT BLAISE WAS SO ATTRACTIVE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH HIS FACE OH HIS LIPS AND HIS NOSE AND HIS EYEBROWS AND HIS NOSE AND HIS LIPS DID I MENTION HIS LIPS I am really angry that he did not get to deliciously and velvetly sneer at Potter :[ HE DID RIDE A BROOMSTICK THOUGH :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A 'BROOMSTICK' :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD It was a consolation. Also randomly I always thought 'Blaise Zabini' was a black boy, so back in the day when fic had him as a violet-eyed Italian girl I was really... stunned. Idk Blaise was just a masculine name to me! And.... I know Zabini is Italian or something............. but I guess it reminded me of Zimbabwe.......... I am really PC............................. ANYWAY DRACO MALFOY!!! Oh my his suit *___* HE WAS SO DAPPER THOSE LONG WHITE SHIRT SLEEVES AND HIS HAIR and aksldghlsaehigsle >:( How dare they not let him cry longer >:( He looked really good and angsty on the tower >:( I want to punch the writers in the face, it was KILL HIS FAMILY, not just KILL HIM lsdkhalsiegh HIS CHARACTER FUCK YOU >:(

Also HELLO G-DRAGON I LIKE YOUR HAIR A LOT anticipates album :D :D :D


ugh so much to cram in in the days i have left :( :( :( :( :(

edit The actors who played Baby Tom and Teen Tom looked creepily alike O_O

I arrived back in Canada early yesterday morning after some flight delays! 3/4 of our luggage has not arrived yet! I leave for McGill on the 23rd and still have a crapload to do! I HAVE NO INTERNET AT HOME because our provider will not install until the 22nd. :( FML. Slow, restricted library hours will have to do. I want to make a picture post of my vacation but that will have to wait. :(

In fandom related news, I WATCHED X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE ON THE AIRPLANE (and consequently kind of ignored/ran out of time for Star Trek, will rectify this later), AND IT WAS SO GOOD. I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WOLVERINE NOW!! ALSO OH MY GOD DANIEL HENNEY YOU HOT IMMORAL ASSHOLE :( :( :( I want to rewatch the movie just for him laskghlsei internet!!! I mean I knew he was hot before, but I never really cared but just. HIM IN ACTION. *___________________*

I am actually really ambivalent to kpop right now. With the DBSK lawsuits, Eugene Park, and that actress-suicide-sex-scandal whose name, forgive me, I don't remember--I am growing pretty sick of Korea and its entertainment industry. I don't want to do anything so pretentious or high-horsey as to declare a boycott, because I'm still going to listen to the music and whatever, I know that. But I think it'll be a while before I purchase anything else related to kpop, or even really actively care, because right now it's just leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

But moving on, I have a question! WHICH SHOULD I INSTALL ON MY LAPTOP, Firefox or Google Chrome (or other??) and why? For Chinese-typers, what software do you use? ANY OTHER APPLICATIONS ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO RECOMMEND? :D?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRAJECTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I assume one of the days around today is your birthday because I saw Clare's post and I assume it is recent AND BECAUSE I SUCK i even looked at your profile but you don't even have your birthday listed HOW DO I NOT KNOW WHEN IT IS wow i suck more than all of JE ever could combined. :( gomen tilly-tan. gomen nasai :( It's not me, it's China. Your present will come when I have steady Internet kekeke........

(ARGH CHINA I CAN'T EVEN DO HTML)

I just received words from the movie producers. They are not going to use Chinese calligraphy at all, replacing it with unreadable symbols. I won't be participating in the movie.

- Professor Siu-Leung Lee, cultural consultant, Avatar: The Last Airbender

What the fuck. I seriously don't even understand. How much are they taking out of this movie (with talk about merging Toph and Suki wtf wtf there are reasons why Suki doesn't have powers and Toph is such a brilliant role model for disabled kids and wtf wtf WTF)? I seriously. Like.

I am so angry what the hell what the hell I probably had other things to say but this on my flist just totally blew everything else from my mind.

♯ Pick up to 10 OTPs.
♯ Describe them in less than (mostly) 15 words.
♯ Have your flist guess the OTP.

01. I like to think it wasn't so much a deception. At least, you were always real to me. Lelouch/Rolo gj trajectory
02. Hate your touch, hate your love, hate how my reds and yours look and feel the same. China/Russia :DDD meiface
03. Blowjobs in the dojo, come on why hasn't someone written this. :( Yamamoto/Squalo AWESOME partaken and procreational!
04. GIVE ME THE FANSERVICE ALREADY put them on the same shows so i can be an embarrassing shipper >:(
05. walks by the seine, drives to the han river; the taste of drizzling rain and cigarette smoke on my tongue and yours. Jaejoong/Yoochun :D out_of_words24
06. 'hey hey, let's wear couple shirts~!' '...I swear, dating you is like dating a school girl'. Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi I guess vanillacat is the only smart person on my flist >:(
07. there's no hesitation in their adulation, but the emperor is the one closest to god. Sanada/Yukimura FINALLY procreational
08. I don't think they ever actually went to school together, but wealthy aristocrat picking up the dirty halfblood, who can resist? Lucius/Snape IT IS SO OBVIOUS partaken
09. hold my hand just a little while more and i'll escort you to hell. Sebastian/Ciel wow she's good partaken and I guess dpque >:(
10. Keeping it in the family: envy on one side, bullets from the other. Giovanni/Haine !!! trajectory

I hope everyone realized that last entry.. was not written by me... >:( If not PLEASE GET OUT >:(!!!! ....watches as my flist halves. ;___;

ON ANOTHER NOTE, I was reading this issue of Guo Jingming's magazine, and one of his short stories in it. I had to ask my dad what stuff meant even with a dictionary, because his phrases are complicated, and my dad said that it was very much 'literature'. Which I guess has a different connotation to him because he couldn't explain it any other way. HE READ THE FIRST SENTENCES AND HE WAS LIKE, 'It's kind of beautiful'.

...

SCREAMS. my daddy thinks GJM's writing is kind of beautiful laskdfalseifh LMFAO. I always feel really embarrassed asking for his section in bookstores because I feel like I am asking about Chinese Stephanie Meyer or something, but. His imagery (or all four, long sentences that I have read) is really pretty. Like, really pretty. My dad agreed when I said it was flowery, but it didn't seem like a bad thing when he said it. But it is flowery ladkfshlef. I guess I'll try to translate some later. BUT HE IS A DECENT WRITER SEEMINGLY..

edit bawling, my mom read the same paragraph and was like 'it's like poetry! can you even understand it? it's very beautiful!'. NEVER STOPS LAUGHING.

HELLO! I AM IN CHINA! :D i am also a pedophile! or wait i update with capitals so I am also a pedophile! :D

Yesterday I was going to buy a Hey!Say!JUMP magazine but I forgot to :( (I was distracted by this little boy passing >w< He was wearing shorts >w<) I'm really regretting it now, you guys :( I was going to take out Chinen's picture and tape it to my ceiling, so Chinen could stare me to sleep every night. Uwaaaaa >////<

Oyasumi, Chinen-chan~ :333

I'm Canadian! >:(

Rawrrrrrrrrr D:<

(Uwaa I'm watching a HSJ fanvid and Chinen's twirling around >w< So kawaii! Twirl me around, Chinen-tan~)

:3

i'm a pedophile!

GUESS WHAT I DID YESTERDAY!!!

I called meiface!! Since we probably won't meet up anymore (;_;) due to time constraints, family, etc., we decided to hook up ORALLY instead!! :D!!!

...or is that... vocally.............................
...anyway we talked for like, ~50 minutes, bawling. IT WAS GOOD! Normally I never talk on the phone so I expected it to be really awkward, BUT THERE WERE REALLY FEW AWKWARD PAUSES it is because we are in love :> and we talk a lot anyway. Idk what we spoke about, her life, my life, fandom, etc.! MEI HAS A REALLY CUTE VOICE GUYS. and a really American accent, holy crap. I was like, DANG ARE Y'ALL FROM THE SOUTH.

Also when I told her I wanted a massage she was like don't get a prostitute!! ...thanks for your advice, Mei.


Also hmm i was going to put a witty excerpt of conversation from my cousin and then finish this post off with a joke
but i'm too lazy to find the Chinese he spoke in, so I won't :D 

 

clare.: oh
I thought like you woke up with your sister's knee on your chest in a
'die vile creature!' kind of way

I don't miss any of you.

OT, but just a late response to all the 'SNSD are so plastic!!!' comments recently, with the hate meme and all. Actually c&ped from another journal, posted ages ago, so if you've seen it before ignore me!

 

I'm kind of unimpressed with society's apparent recoil reflex regarding plastic surgery. :/ Example: almost every SNSD anti I've met brings up the fact that they're "plastic" two minutes into a debate. I'm not going to touch how true or false the statement is, but what stuns me is how people seem to believe cosmetic surgery is a valid reason for hating someone, and for discounting all their other achievements and/or talents.

I'm not some kind of huge proponent for plastic surgery; I don't particularly encourage it, nor do I prefer it. But I generally won't hold it against a person. :/ Especially not in Korea, where the industry is notoriously (true or false idk) superficial and appearance-based. If you're a girl dreaming of becoming an idol, and you have a pretty voice, a knack for dance steps--but also a really "plain" appearance? I'm not going to blame you for ~selling out~ and getting a boob job, or what the fuck ever. If the only thing that's stopping you from debut/trainee-status is the fact that you aren't quite pretty enough, well. It's a terrible reason, obviously, and we should work to change this blah blah blah yes, by bringing in talent and ignoring the faces etc etc people do succeed when they're not super attractive, yes, but what percentage of idols (esp. the most popular) fit in that category? And sure, if you want to stay natural and keep trying and keep trying, all the power to you. But 1) not everyone is that strong, 2) there's no guarantee of success anyway, and 3) not everyone wants to be the scapegoat, the one that takes the blows and clears the path for the rest of the "natural talents". Some people just want to sing and dance on stage. :l Don't hate.

Really, if it came down to either the girl with the nosejob who can sing and dance, or the girl who can't quite sing live, can kind of dance, but happened to be lucky and was born fitting the beauty standards of the age? My respect goes to the former.

Though I totally do not buy that they are all plastic (but I could just be a crazy fan...). I see no big discrepancy looking at the pictures? Things like lighting, angle, proper cosmetics, proper haircuts, weight gain/loss, nice clothes; those all change a person a hell of a lot. I have friends who look hilarious in middle school pictures but are gorgeous now. If you need proof I can provide it, bitches.

I posted my remix a day or so ago! IB results come out tomorrow! ...You know I thought the next post I'd make would finally be the PoT and Kuroshitsuji Boring Thoughts post, but:

tillyesque says (10:53 PM):
hey tori
will you write a post about je
please
for me
for your good pal tilly
clare says (10:53 PM):
and me :D
tillyesque says (10:54 PM):
for your good pal tilly and your okay pal clare
the space between my city and yours. says (10:54 PM):
LMFAO
tillyesque says (10:55 PM):
tori i take your lmfao as yes i am writing a long and interesting post about my facination with johnny's entertainment

>:[ This is all this post is getting:

the space between my city and yours. says (10:07 PM):
i feel a bond with chinen

the space between my city and yours. says (10:10 PM):
keito is acceptable
i like how he knows english
and how he likes chinen
clare says (10:11 PM):
screams
tillyesque says (10:11 PM):
oh my god
clare says (10:11 PM):
"keito is acceptable"
what the hell
tillyesque says (10:11 PM):
chinen is her new pet

so.

where can i get some hsj icons


(i also like yuto and hikaru!!)

p.s.

tillyesque says (12:02 AM):
i just imagined a world of nothing but people with chinen's face
this is the type of thing i think about.
clare says (12:02 AM):
that is the kind of thing that drives people to suicide
tillyesque says (12:03 AM):
tori, on a scale of one to naked ciel, how happy would that world make you.

FUCK YOU GUYS GOOD NIGHT